So it seems that, despite my recent set of flareups, my weight loss plan has gotten back on track. When I saw measurable change reflected in my scale this morning, I immediately tried to make it a bad thing. Maybe I'm losing muscle mass because I've been so much less active! Except that this week I've been more active than for the previous two - which probably has more to do with the more noticeable drop, right? The Friday-Saturday flare I think was actually triggered by the fact that I dared to walk for a full 20 minutes on Thursday.
And at least this week I can't blame it on dehydration like I usually do - I've been drinking water like a madwoman all week.
So right now you're thinking, wow, this girl is NUTS. Um, yeah, pretty much. Any time a achieve anything I immediately start trying to figure out why it doesn't "count". It's years of programming that I haven't successfully re-wired yet. I can talk myself out of the reasons that I find (sometimes), but I can't yet keep myself from generating them.
That's part of why this project is kind of good for me. They're numbers - you can't really argue with them. Since I began in January I've lost almost 11 pounds. That's measurable progress at a healthy rate. If it was all somehow muscle loss, I'd wouldn't look thinner (which I think I do), I'd look flabbier (which I don't). Sure, I still have a long way to go. But at least I know know that the methods I'm using will produce results - even when I can't walk right.
One thing I've determined, though, is that somehow I've gotten away from healthy foods. Yes, I'm coming in at good calorie counts most days, and I'm vegan as always, but... It's probably related to the fact that I've not been feeling well for weeks (maybe months) now. I want to coddle myself, and I do it with comfort food. I have weird ideas about comfort food, for sure, but it mainly involves slipping away from the raw vegetables and whole grains into more packaged and refined foods. And that is certainly not what my body needs right now. The wintertime doesn't make it easy.
I also need to quit it with the sugar. Even though I am working it into my calorie scheme the thing is that, as I love to tell other people, calories aren't the end all be all. What makes up the calories matters, and eating huge jolts of sugar puts my body through a chemical roller coaster. Again, something I should not be doing, well, ever probably. But definitely not now, when my body is obviously already struggling.
So over the next week or two I'll be concentrating on bringing it back to the real foods, the good whole foods, foods as nature intended them. I love those too; I just get lazy. But dernit, this is important! I will eat raw almonds! I will go to my juice cart man for a carrot-orange-celery juice! I will cook ratatouille with fresh vegetables! I will eat brown rice instead of white pasta! It's just not that hard.
So, here's where we're at.
1/11/9: 185 (starting weight)
1/18/9: 183.2 (less 1.8 pounds)
1/25/9: 181.8 (less 1.4 pounds)
2/1/9: 177.8 (less 4 pounds!!!)
2/8/9: 177.0 (less 0.8 pounds)
2/15/9: 176.2 (less 0.8 pounds)
2/22/9: 174.2 (less 2 pounds) (Total loss: 10.8 pounds)
Just imagine what would happen if I could walk over the bridge a couple times a week! I know, I know, I can't do that to myself. It's just so frustrating. I keep wanting to do my yoga routines too, and then I think about just trying to get through the sun salutations with my food being wonky and I know how it would turn out. Yoga may not be about strength, but it sure does require all of your body parts to be functioning properly.
About my most recent flare-up, well I did have to stay home on Friday. I didn't leave the house on Saturday either. I was so frustrated and scared on Thursday night that I wanted to cry instead of sleep. But I'm tired of feeling that way, so I spent Friday and Saturday (the time that I wasn't sleeping anyway) trying to channel all that energy into something productive. What came out was an extremely long zine about fibromyalgia: my experiences with it, and my thoughts about the "wisdom" and advice that's put forth by major medical entities about it. Due to its length and recent problems I've had with photocopying, I decided to publish it through lulu.com.
And, you know, it's for sale. Once I get my hard copies at the end of this week or the beginning of next week, I'll be putting it up on my etsy page. For now though, you can buy it on the lulu marketplace. The physical copy is $7.00, and you can get a digital copy for $1.00. Here's a button that will bring you there:
Trust me, the price isn't about profit; it's just not cheap to have things actually printed instead of running them off at kinko's. And the digital copy is actually significantly cheaper than I could make a photocopy for. Even when I have the physical zines to sell, the digital copy will be available from lulu - I think that's cool.
Aaanyway. If you take a look at it, let me know? In the meantime I'll be sticking to the diet plan, trying to lay off the sugar, and hoping that long walks are soon in my future. Once again I implore you: keep your fingers crossed for me? Thanks a million.